We're nearing the end of Jack's Kindergarten year, and I can hardly believe all the joys, frustrations, and growing we've had to do since we started home schooling.
The Joys1. I love helping Jack learn. It was thrilling to work with him and teach him how to read -- just Jack, me, and a lesson book. We did it, and it was awesome to share in his excitement and know that I was an integral part of helping him learn a lifelong skill that is a gateway to so many other skills. And that same feeling goes for math, catechesis, science, anything. I love the "a ha" moments and being confident in my ability to explain things in a way that I know Jack will understand.
2. I love watching Thomas and Peter already becoming eager about learning in a more structured setting. Thomas is so eager to learn how to read, and he happily sits at the table (our dining room table = school table) and does reading lessons with me, coloring, worksheets, etc. Even Peter excitedly shouts "Schoo Time!" and rushes to the table to start diving into the box of markers and crayons.
3. I love being able to use everyday opportunities to teach values and information -- the grocery store, library, post office, etc. I can answer questions as the kids ask them and I can encourage their curiosity while providing answers that mesh with our faith and values.
4. I love being able to teach Jack fairly efficiently. I only have 3 kids to wrangle, not 25 or 30, so his lessons don't take as long as they normally would (except in cases of extreme stubborness, see #1 below). The extra time lets us go on adventures, field trips, etc. that we otherwise wouldn't be able to.
The Frustrations1. It can be difficult to motivate Jack when he really doesn't feel like learning. Of course, cultivating the discipline to do important things even when we don't feel like it is a vital life lesson all by itself, and I know it will take time for Jack to get better at this discipline. But it's still frustrating when I know his lessons could be done in 1 hour tops, but his"I can't"s and "I won't"s make the lessons take way longer than they should. It takes a lot of energy and creativity on my part to manage these stubborn moments!
2. Like I said, Thomas and Peter enjoy doing school work, too -- but sometimes things get out of hand. Often I feel like the ringleader of a circus -- "Jack, please finish this pa .... PETER! No throwing markers and stop eating the ... What? Oh, OK, Thomas, hold on, I'll be there in just a second". I know school teachers have way more kids to wrangle, but there's something about the multiple age levels that really keeps me on my toes! Peter, especially, can be a tricky little whirlwind to manage!
3. Mom Guilt. You know, the internal dialogue in your heads that likes to question every decision "Am I playing with them enough? Am I playing with them too much? Should I be more strict? Was I just way too strict?" For me, Mom Guilt kind of faded sometime after having Thomas -- I felt like I got into a good groove and I was pretty comfortable with the way I did things. Mom Guilt came back with a vengeance when I started home schooling, and I've had a hard time shaking it. OK, overall I *know* my kids are good kids, and I feed them well, treat them well, etc. but there's that little niggling voice that asks things like "Should you have explained that a different way? Does he need more time on handwriting? Should he have more time to play? Is he using the right math book? " Since so much of his schooling is directly in my hands, I definitely feel more self-imposed pressure to question my decisions and try to get it right.
The GrowingI know Jack has had to do a lot of growing this past year -- adjusting to the differences of structured schooling, learning lots of new skills and information. Thomas and Peter have adapted to our daily school schedule and how they fit into it. And, maybe more than all of them, I have really had to grow a lot while home schooling Jack, and it hasn't been easy. I've had to relinquish more of my time and energy since adding on the role of teacher to wife, mother, cook, cleaner, financial record-keeper, etc. It hurts to give up more of myself and what I consider "my time", and it's hard to try and get everything done that I feel needs to be done. It's also hard and humbling to realize that many of the things I think are needs really aren't, and that I have to loosen up my death grip on trying to control everything. I've also had to grow some serious patience chops so I can manage Jack without losing my temper, and I've had to think of some creative ways to help our days run more smoothly. Home schooling has been a real stretch for me spiritually, emotionally, mentally -- in every way, but I think it's all been for the good.
We're home schooling right now because moving around the country every 6 months really doesn't allow for anything else. The choice was made for us. And I am grateful it was. The intensity of the joys have outweighed the frustrations, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to grow in my own selflessness and humility while teaching my boys. In the next few weeks, I'll be picking a program and materials for 1st grade (!). It's both exciting and a little overwhelming, but I have great hopes that next year my list of joys will be longer, my frustrations shorter, and that we'll all have continued growing in knowledge, wisdom, and goodness.
Thomas doing school work in Buffalo.
Peter's project for school.
Jack and Peter hard at work.
